you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize