allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
