Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
