Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
