Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
