He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
