Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize