Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
