He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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