She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
