I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
