Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish life had little blips of pornography
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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