I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
