My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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