you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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