i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
