Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
