Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
