I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
