They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
