Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
