I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
