another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize