The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize