You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
