I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
