i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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