Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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