You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
