You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
