hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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