Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
