i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
