I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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