yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
