oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
