I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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