so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
