i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
