God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
