am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
