i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize