Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's shark week go big or go home
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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