take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
