Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
