I heard we made out
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
