It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
