There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
