I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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