would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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