Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
