There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just threw up on my dentist
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
