it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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