His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
