He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My liver just had a heart attack.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
