why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
