I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
