I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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