yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
