Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
