I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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