Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
send nudes
from the living room?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
