im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
