Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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