she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
