OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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