Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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