They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
