If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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