Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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