yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
