dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
