Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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