I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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