I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i out mim tonsoeep
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