Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She bit a glass in half.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
