just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
