her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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