so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
