Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
