why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
