We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
