My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
