When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
