btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize