i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
