Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every concussion has its silver lining
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
