So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
