you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize