call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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