so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
