I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize