My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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