Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
