she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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