you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
