I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
