Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
