My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
