I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
