I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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