The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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