is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize