all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
