I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
