So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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