I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
