I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize