I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
