I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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