More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
