He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
