I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
