when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
