Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
