Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
